Honestly I used to really HATE mothers day! And I have a wonderful, meaningful relationship with my mother. But for all those years where we were fighting to become a family, this day just symbolized all the heartache and loss we were going through.
I remember my Facebook and Instagram flooded with all these happy pictures from girlfriends, celebrating with their families, while I wasn’t even sure I could ever be a mother! And all I could do was think: “WHY them and not me?!”
As one fertility treatment after another failed and our savings slowly dwindled, this one holiday in May became the symbol of all my hurt and sadness. I did try to celebrate my own mother and find some happiness in that, but some years it simply hurt too much.
Mother’s day was horrible and painful and I HATED it!
So to all you “Mommys-in-waiting” out there this Mother’s day, wondering if you will ever get the chance, I just want tell you:
You are never alone!
I know how hard it is and I applaud you. I am so sorry you have to carry this burden and fight this battle. But you are stronger then you think and much braver then you feel.
A part of me wants to tell you of how everything worked out for me. About the miracle that happened when we changed our lives, but I remember, those succes stories didn’t help me one bit – infact they made me feel worse. Someone else’s succes story doesn’t help when you feel more and more hopeless about your own.
You should know you are not alone! One in every eight couples face infertility, one way or the other, and odds are you probably know someone else, who is hurting, just like you, this Mother’s day. One of the big problems with infertility is the isolation it can cause. I remember it all too well. I felt helpless, ashamed and lonely, and having noone besides my husband to share my feelings with didn’t help.
My advice to you dear “mommy-in-waiting” is to share your story. Try to open up to someone; a good friend, a close co-worker or even if you feel that you truly have noone, your cat or dog! Sometimes the best is just to get the emotions out, so they don’t stay bottled up inside.
The truth is, nothing I write or say will make you feel better. It is going to be painful and no, it’s not fair! It’s not fair, that all your friends get pregnant on the first try or even when not trying! And having a reminder of everything you don’t have thrown in your face every May is the WORST!
But I’ll tell you what – Today you are allowed to be upset. You are allowed to turn off your phone and stay in bed. You are allowed because everyday you are strong, you are fighting for something others take for granted! Everyday you fight towards your big goal of motherhood. So this one day a year, it’s ok to be upset, be a big B…., throw stuff around.
I can’t promise you that someday you’ll be a mother or even at peace with your situation – but one thing I can promise you dear “mommy in waiting” is that every Mothers day you are in my thoughts and in my heart! Because I’ve travelled your path and I will always remember!
All my love,
Do you know a “mommy in waiting”?
Try to be considerate and thoughtful. Try not to throw your happiness in their face today of all days!
They love you and wish you well, but sometimes it just stings too much…